paranoia

...now browsing by category

 

How Much Do I Love This GIF?

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

THIS much.

It Was Only a Matter of Time…

Monday, January 4th, 2010

I’m surprised it took so long…

Darkness Imprisoning Me

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

Hey, I’ve seen this movie.

A man thought by doctors to be in a vegetative state for 23 years was actually conscious the whole time, it was revealed last night.

Snowglobes: Banned

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

It no longer snows upon the world’s miniature landmarks.

The TSA says you can’t carry a snow-globe onto a plane, even if it fits in your freedom baggie, because they can’t measure how much liquid it contains, and therefore it must contain more than three oz of potential explosive, um, water.

Larry, You’re Being Innappropriate

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

But you need to have a mic.

Why didn’t she just leave? Too dumb to stand?

Shabu Shabu – The Food So Nice They Named It Twice

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

How does one begin to choose between the Sea Cucumber Heart and the Red Sea Cucumber Heart???

sea cucumber heart goose intestines

(via The Pot’s)

Welcome to Hell

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

Leave it to Google to find the portal. (Keep clicking forward.)

Want Your Wallet Back, Bub?

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

Carry a baby photo.

As the psychologists soon discovered, the sight of a smiling baby is enough to warm nearly any heart: only one in 10 of the strangers who retrieved such wallets neglected to return them. In contrast, the second-most successful image, the puppy, boasted only a 53 percent return rate. When the wallet included no photograph, it stood only a one in seven chance of being returned to the owner.

BPA: We’re All Screwed

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Society laughs at your fears about the BPA-laden plastic water bottle.

“When people talk about polycarbonate bottles, they talk about nanogram quantities of BPA [leaching out],” Warner observes. “The average cash register receipt that’s out there and uses the BPA technology will have 60 to 100 milligrams of free BPA.” By free, he explains, it’s not bound into a polymer, like the BPA in polycarbonates. It’s just the individual molecules loose and ready for uptake.

As such, he argues, when it comes to BPA in the urban environment, “the biggest exposures, in my opinion, will be these cash register receipts.” Once on the fingers, BPA can be transferred to foods. And keep in mind, he adds, some hormones — like estrogen in certain birth-control formulations — are delivered through the skin by controlled-release patches. So, he argues, estrogen mimics like BPA might similarly enter the skin.

Go For It, Losers.

Friday, October 9th, 2009

From the press notes for the utterly baffling, upcoming new film Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, which is not a remake of the Harvey Keitel classic. Starring Nicolas Cage and directed by — no, seriously — Werner Herzog.

Here’s what Herzog — who’s easily on my list of 10 people I’d like to have dinner with someday — has to say to any early critics who might dare comment on the project.

It does not bespeak great wisdom to call the film The Bad Lieutenant, and I only agreed to make the film after William (Billy) Finkelstein, the screenwriter, who had seen a film of the same name from the early nineties, had given me a solemn oath that this was not a remake at all. But the film industry has its own rationale, which in this case was the speculation of starting some sort of a franchise. I have no problem with this. Nevertheless, the pedantic branch of academia, the so called “film-studies,” in its attempt to do damage to cinema, will be ecstatic to find a small reference to that earlier film here and there, though it will fail to do the same damage that academia — in the name of literary theory — has done to poetry, which it has pushed to the brink of extinction. Cinema, so far, is more robust. I call upon the theoreticians of cinema to go after this one. Go for it, losers.

Get Ready to Suck, San Francisco!

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

Oh boy

ohshit

#3, #4

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

I like the cut of the jib of the guy that wrote these spelling words.

nutjob

[click for full size]

And What Is Your Age, Sir?

Thursday, August 13th, 2009

New rules at the airport, yay!

As of Saturday, you may (or may not, who knows!) have to provide your gender (gay) and age (uhh) when buying your little online plane tickets so you can go to New Jersey or whatever, for a funeral. Hooray!

Mind vs. Matter

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Brain says: Delivery is from 10 to 12.

Reality says: Delivery is from 12 to 2.

Brain loses. So does stomach, which was waiting for delivery to go get lunch.

What Does the Fire Alarm Sound Like?

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

sounds like whoop

I’m Leaving Home Without It

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

My cell phone number: xxx-xxx-0033

+

American Express’s new number they’re using (and which shows up on Caller ID) when they’re demanding their money from people: xxx-xxx-0333

=

A dozen confused people who can’t make their credit card payments calling me at all hours every day… and probably assuming I’m trying to scam them somehow.

The Kool-Aid Is Served

Friday, July 17th, 2009

Final recording from Jonestown, November 18, 1978. 44 minutes of preaching and death. Yeesh.

Whoever Wins, We Lose

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

Huxley vs. Orwell

In some ways, they were both right.

On Conservation

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

Pundit Derrick Jensen says: Conservation, recycling, and personal green technologies are useless. Interesting and very sad piece on why, as a race, we’re pretty much doomed.

Favorite quotes:

“Even if every person in the United States did everything [An Inconvenient Truth] suggested, U.S. carbon emissions would fall by only 22 percent. Scientific consensus is that emissions must be reduced by at least 75 percent worldwide.”

“Collectively, municipal golf courses use as much water as municipal human beings.”

“Municipal waste accounts for only 3 percent of total waste production in the United States.”

Still, I guess change has to start somewhere… sigh.

Nuke Your Hometown for Fun and Profit

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

You know, the funny thing is the little bombs don’t look so bad at all.

Nuke ‘em!