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Thursday, February 18th, 2010Not Quite a Quarter
Thursday, February 11th, 2010Time on the phone spent trying to close a checking account with a lingering, $0.16 balance: 9 minutes.
Implied wage: $1.06/hour.
I Like Forest
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010Something about this email from “Stephenie” (reprinted verbatim) just speaks to me. Can’t put my finger on it. Oddly there are no links in the email, just this text.
Im woman. I have a red hair with copper shimmering. My eyes is purple. I am high. I have beautiful chest. My hair is long straight. I live in a big city. I work in banking. I like to watch funny comedies. Representations in the theater. I like meet friends . I like forest. If you talk about me I am dangerous panther. Most of all in men I value sense of humor. When I saw you theater. I agreed that must. Because I can be for you a incredible lover or someone great if you want. I’m wait.
Oil Rigs?
Tuesday, January 12th, 2010This is a photo of the actual warning notice on a new Blu-ray disc… not a joke.
(click for larger photo)
Don’t Look at the Camera
Thursday, January 7th, 2010Publicity still from today’s Lady Gaga/Polaroid event…
(click for full size to see if you can spot “the issue”…)
Anything to Stay Relevant…
Thursday, December 31st, 2009In Roger Ebert’s world, the best movies of the decade include the retarded Bad Lieutenant remake, the Kill Bill movies, Spike Lee’s tepid The 25th Hour, Linklater’s experimental (and little else) Waking Life, and Charlie Kaufman’s Synecdoche, New York (the best movie of the ’00s)!
I guess Herzog’s threat has done its job.
Snowglobes: Banned
Saturday, November 14th, 2009It no longer snows upon the world’s miniature landmarks.
The TSA says you can’t carry a snow-globe onto a plane, even if it fits in your freedom baggie, because they can’t measure how much liquid it contains, and therefore it must contain more than three oz of potential explosive, um, water.
Larry, You’re Being Innappropriate
Thursday, November 12th, 2009Why didn’t she just leave? Too dumb to stand?
Remind Me Again Why I Have a Land Line?
Wednesday, November 4th, 2009This week my home phone started bristling with static. Again. Had the same problem a year ago, thought it was something with the cordless phone. After many weeks finally got a repair guy to come out and he discovered it was a short at AT&T’s junction box.
Now it’s back. This time I didn’t hesitate, but after using AT&T’s oh-so-helpful online diagnostic tool (which says the problem “is with your phone”), there’s a new kink: Namely, the phone here rings, one time, every two hours, on the half-hour. All day and all night. Just the one ring, but that’s enough to wake you up at 1:30am, 3:30am, and 5:30am, I promise.
Only took six minutes on hold with AT&T to determine they “had me on a repeat code.”
Meanwhile my appointment to fix the static looms. The scheduled time for the repair: “Any time on Friday.” Midnight to midnight, I presume.
For the record, because you’ll never find it on AT&T’s website, the number for the AT&T repair center is 1-866-346-1168.
Update: And 4 hours later, it’s still ringing…
How Jedi Shoulda Gone
Saturday, October 31st, 2009MSNBC embedding totally doesn’t work…
In Other News, Ukranian Cash is Known as the Hryvnia
Wednesday, October 7th, 2009Note to self/world: If you drop money into a toilet, let it go.
The emergency workers removed tiles, drilled the toilet out of concrete floor and cut the outlet pipe, but the man’s arm remained trapped in the chute. Hydraulic shears and a plumber’s torch were finally used to cut the man free.
Get Ready to Suck, San Francisco!
Sunday, September 20th, 2009
Buy Organic
Sunday, September 13th, 2009No idea what this is from, but I like it a lot.
…
Market Street to Close to Traffic for Pilot Project
Thursday, September 10th, 2009Well thank God for this. Lord knows when I’m walking near Market and 6th what I really want to be doing is wandering around in the street.
Aw Jeez, Wally
Monday, September 7th, 2009Anyone else find themselves trying to read the faux newspaper articles and notes that appear for a split second on TV shows and movies?
Here’s a classic from Leave It To Beaver.
Sorry
Thursday, August 27th, 2009Joe Queenan offers a dazzlingly insightful look at the modern apology and its apparently utter lack of actual remorse.
Even in more recent, less theatrically vindictive times, true regret for one’s transgressions has always required a willingness to accept punishment, even if the punishment consists of nothing more than humiliation. The wrongdoer must admit that he has behaved shamefully and then accept being shamed. This means that if he is going to apologize for his actions, his apology must be abject and mortifying, with no wheedling, no qualifications, no whining. The apology cannot be used as a justification for one’s misdeeds, nor can the apology be hijacked to make the penitent seem in some way noble. For an apology to work, the apologist must get down on his knees and grovel. It is not enough to ask for forgiveness. He must beg for it.
Elegy for the Tone Deaf
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009Can’t sing? Here’s why. (Hint: Blame your brain architecture.)
And What Is Your Age, Sir?
Thursday, August 13th, 2009New rules at the airport, yay!
As of Saturday, you may (or may not, who knows!) have to provide your gender (gay) and age (uhh) when buying your little online plane tickets so you can go to New Jersey or whatever, for a funeral. Hooray!
This Is All Kinds of Awesome
Tuesday, August 11th, 2009The world’s most expensive champagne looks fit for the Flintstones.
(Thanks for the tip, Toby!)
Mind vs. Matter
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009Brain says: Delivery is from 10 to 12.
Reality says: Delivery is from 12 to 2.
Brain loses. So does stomach, which was waiting for delivery to go get lunch.
