Fact: The new film The Life of David Gale is not based on a true story.
Mystery: Why the lame-ass title obviously designed to convince us otherwise?
January, 2003
...now browsing by month
Thursday, January 30th, 2003
This is not a joke. Koko the Gorilla wrote these songs about herself or were inspired by her. You can even buy it at Amazon. Hear clips here. Again, this is not a joke.
Thursday, January 30th, 2003
Per my wife: The Mozart setting on the baby mobile is most likely to make her more alert and playful, while the Bach setting is most likely to make her fall asleep.
Wednesday, January 29th, 2003
When you’re unemployed…
You’ve rated 1005 movies.
Rate More!
Courtesy Netflix.
Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
Why do they call it GQ magazine? It comes out monthly and most of the people I know who read it are female.
Sunday, January 26th, 2003
Spied at BevMo:
Cynar Artichoke Liqueur: Considered by some to be one of the world’s greatest aphrodisiacs!
Friday, January 24th, 2003
From my pal Brian at checkthegrid.com:
“We’re close to completing our new version of CTG… I have the answer to your question comparing your average reviews against the field… out of 24 critics with at least 100 reviews, you come up 22nd in terms of average score with 4.7 out of 10. The average for all 11,000+ reviews is 5.4. Only Moviejuice (4.5) and Salon (4.4) are tougher graders than you! I would hardly count Moviejuice since his schtick is to shred everything. The easiest graders are the Nashville Tennessean (7.5!) and believe it or not, Roger Ebert (6.4).”
filmcritic.com: The 3rd toughest critics on earth!
Friday, January 24th, 2003
Thank you PG&E, for the additional 5 hours of power outage. I especially like how you did that neat strobe effect where the power went on and off every second for awhile. That was really cool.
Thursday, January 23rd, 2003
Best. Softcore. Ever! I’m really looking forward to “The Two Towers.”
Thursday, January 23rd, 2003
Bizarre telemarketing call I just got:
“Hi Chris, this is such-and-such from Exodus Film Company in Los Angeles!”
ME: “Hi.” (I get calls from studios all the time… nothing strange so far)
“We’re producing a family film based on the Paul Bunyan stories from the producer of Home Alone and we’d like to offer you the chance to review…”
(wait for it)
“…the prospectus to invest in the film!”
ME: “Haha haa ahhha ahhhahahahaha! Oh boy…”
Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
Is this spam? If so, it’s not very good spam. If it’s a pitch, it’s even worse.
—
Dear Editor: – finances
I propose a set of financial biographies
of professionals.
I served as an administrative assistant
in this regard, took notes on financial
decisions, and earned a doctorate in a
related field. Thank you < R.g
er
–
Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
Little Zoe managed to smack me with her little flailing arms last night, gouging my eye with her little baby fingernails. This hurt like you wouldn’t believe and now it’s just sore, as my cornea is clearly scratched. That’s 2 injuries now.
Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
What, what, what is the point of THIS (from my phone bill):
Additions & Changes
Activity on 415 xxx-xxxx
Order 11477165
Monthly Service Charges
Added to Monthly Service from Dec 24, 2002 thru Jan 12, 2003
Partial
Description Qty Month One-Time Amount
������������������������������������
2-09 Federal Universal Service Fee 1 .25 .25
.42 Per Month
Removed from Monthly Service from Dec 24, 2002 thru Jan 12, 2003
Partial
Description Qty Month One-Time Amount
������������������������������������
2-10 Federal Universal Service Fee 1 .25- .25-
.42 Per Month
Order 66666666
Monthly Service Charges
Change in Monthly Rate from Dec 31, 2002 thru Jan 12, 2003
Partial
Description Qty Month One-Time Amount
������������������������������������
2-11 Rate Change 1 .00 .00
Federal Universal Service Fee
.01 Per Month
������������������������������������
Total for Monthly Service Charges .00
������������������������������������
Total for 415 xxx-xxxx .00
Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
Painful side effect of yesterday’s power outage: My back is in massive pain thanks to sitting on the floor all evening to play board games by candlelight (won Monopoly handily, lost Operation due to impossible “writer’s cramp” piece — the irony). Damn you PG&E!
Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
Today the power went out… for about 10 hours. Why does this happen only on days I’m staying at home all day… and the day after I go to the grocery store (laden with full-sodium bacon, thank you)? It was amazing how few homes were affected. Really just a few blocks, centered on our house. But the worst is how PG&E would taunt me — turning the power on just long enough to blow out all the candles and reset all the clocks, only to snatch it back from my grasp and shut down again. Cursed at birth!
Saturday, January 18th, 2003
What recession?
Dear Jobseeker,
***Your editor search agent found 200 jobs:
Now if some of those were in San Francisco instead of Ithaca and Dobb’s Ferry…
Friday, January 17th, 2003
This is a public service announcement about bacon. They were out of regular Oscar Meyer bacon last week, so I bought the “Lower Sodium” version of the same product. Looked exactly the same and I figured it couldn’t be much different, right? Well, not only does this bacon taste like ass (or rather, like nothing), when I cleaned the frying pan I used to cook it, it had developed rust-colored stains where the bacon strips were cooked! What the hell!? I may never buy another Oscar Meyer product again. Ugh.
